Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A Harmonious or Satisfying Arrangement

Tomorrow I will start watching my grandson a few days a week as it's time for my daughter-in-law to go back to work. She is struggling with going back to work. My words are of little comfort to her and she feels like her little sweet baby is going to feel like she is leaving him. That thought just broke my heart. There are so many outside pressures for mothers to be perfect that it really pisses me off. We have all these so called experts that come up with some brainy idea of how to raise children and then they put it into words and “sell it” to the millions of woman that want to fit in and be knowledgeable about raising their children. These brilliant parenting gurus frankly don’t give a dam about the middle class new mom who has to go back to work and is emotionally distraught about it because some new mothering fad has hit the market… whether it is: “Tiger Mom”, “Attachment parenting”, “Authoritarian parenting”, “Authoritative parenting”, “Indulgent parenting”, “Neglectful parenting” or “Aware parenting” or “Punishment” or even “Shared Parenting/Shared Earning.” Shall I go on? It’s a f**king miracle if anyone knows how to raise their children.

How about my theory? “Balance parenting” which simply means “has balance in the parenting” A little bit of attachment, punishment, religion, tiger mom, indulgent, aware, shared, etc. Balance is the key to most everything in life. Not an entire bag of chips but eat chips, not church every single time the doors are open but exposure to Christianity or whatever religion you believe in.

Granted we know the books and the education for new parents are important and just because we did it a certain way and we escaped death (like not wearing a seat belt) doesn’t mean it was smart. But why don’t we offer new parents the real tools they need, support and advice when asked.  Most of these parenting styles haven’t been around long enough to see the results of them. We have parenting gurus who had poor upbringing giving advice on how to parent. What makes them an authority? I think my mother should have been more around for me and revealed to me so many things in life. So does this mean I was neglected? I don’t think so. I needed braces and I was not afforded them; does that indicate neglect? No, it really indicates my mother couldn’t afford braces or didn’t know about braces. Braces in 1966 were not as affordable or common place as they are today. We cannot allow our children to feel like they don’t know how to parent by shoving idealistic styles in their faces.

Look at President Clinton as an example. I am not a fan and this is not a politic alstatement. But he was not raised in a traditional household but he was loved by his grandparents and sadly partially raised in an abusive household but he kept his focus and took the opportunity to learn and he became President of the United States. Humble beginnings… not attachment or indulgent parenting and some would say not good parenting at all, but my point is we do not know what the results of our own parenting skills will foster until our children are grown and become adults. So do not allow some unknown person to say their way is the best way. Raise your children the way you feel is best for your child; create balance in their life. If you have to work outside the home create something unique and special that works/fits for your life style. Create a morning or evening routine that your child will remember when they’re older. Do not let your past predict your future with your child. Do not say my mother never gave me candy so my kids are going to have as much candy as they want, etc. give balance a try.

BTW... I am looking forward to being a supportive and respectful grandmother (aka Gigi) to my grandson and help raise him they way his parents want. Time to button up the lips and be the help they need.


  1. And if Mark and Stacy have even half the brains I think they do.....then they will listen to anything you could tell them. You are so right in that it is all about balance, and it's not about one way or the other.....but just trying to do your best.

    That is one lucky baby to have such great parents, and amazing grands! Go, Gigi, go! :o)

  2. Thank you Regan. It's always a fine balancing act between old parents and new parents. I am just looking for a mutual respect partnership. And lots of kisses from Tristan. LOL